“Close your eyes,” the Lyme specialist said. “And hold your arms out straight.”
My body began to jerk while I stood in front of the exam table with my arms extended. As I strained to stop the involuntary movements, I could sense my parents’ dismay even through my eyelids.
Continue reading “How I Finally Made Peace with My Lyme Diagnosis”
After eleven years of brain-related chronic illness, I’ve come to live in a constant state of uncertainty not only regarding my conditions, but regarding my entire life.
I never imagined I would ever get sick in the first place, let alone to then be sick for over a decade. The fact that my illness happened at all has taught me that no matter how certain you feel about your life, you can’t really know what the future holds. Continue reading “My Disease Could Make Me Lose My Mind. Here’s How I’m Coping…”
As graduation approached last semester, people constantly asked what was next. What did I want to do with my life? Did I have a job? Would I stay in the city? Was I going to grad school?
Before my PANS relapse in August, I thought I knew all the answers. However, this disease returned not only to attack my brain, but to destroy all my plans.
When people talk about PANS and Lyme recovery, I’m frustrated that it’s always in terms of symptoms. For me, it’s never about the symptoms—it’s about coming back from the dead and regaining the parts of me that were lost.
When PANS makes my immune system attack my brain, the physical effects (similar to a brain injury) give me a mental sense of losing who I am and even of being disconnected from reality. Continue reading “Not About Symptoms: The Truth on PANS/Lyme Recovery”
I’ll never forget the day I first set foot in a Lyme clinic, as I watched other patients with pale, exhausted faces roll into the waiting room in wheelchairs. I’d just finished another semester of college and a ten-mile run that weekend. I remember thinking, I can’t possibly be sick enough to have Lyme Disease. What am I doing here?
Continue reading “I Wasn’t “Sick Enough” to Have Lyme. Then 2017 Exposed a Shocking Truth…”
This weekend, I’ve defied all odds; I’ve done what never should’ve been possible…
I graduated from college, Summa Cum Laude… While in a long-standing battle with PANS and Lyme Disease!
When I was first diagnosed, it felt like my life was a tragedy, and PANS was the ending. I was sure that it had completely ruined me, and pursuing my dreams seemed inconceivable…
Continue reading “I Graduated College with PANS, Lyme, and…. Highest Honors!”
This semester, I wasn’t at school until October… Though I’d never missed a single day of sitting in the classroom.
After returning home from my summer internship in August, where I’d felt almost 100%, I noticed symptoms creeping back in. At first, I waited it out to see if they would pass, but I kept getting worse and worse, slipping farther and farther into a tormented mind that I no longer recognized. Continue reading “I Did 8 Weeks of IV Steroids for PANS. Here’s What Happened…”
They say that “school refusal,” or a deterioration in school performance, is a hallmark symptom of PANS/PANDAS.
Continue reading “Do These 7 Symptoms Make College Impossible?”
Lately, with each day that’s gone by, I’ve slipped farther and farther into the abyss of my inflamed brain. I’m in a bona fide PANS relapse—there’s no denying it now.
As it turns out, I’ve had too much faith in my Lyme/co-infections antibiotic protocol. Continue reading “Is This a Nightmare Come True?”
Since the first day I became ill, shame was a mainstay in my life with PANS… Shame about irrational fears that no one understood. Shame that I felt no control over my mind or body. Shame that I couldn’t do what I once could. Shame that I lashed out at my parents and said things I never wanted. Shame that I was spending more time with doctors than friends. Shame that I’d become a different person that I hated.
Continue reading “It Isn’t You: Defying the Shame of My Chronic Illness”
