Is There Hope in the Unknown of Chronic Illness?

Three months ago, as I drove away victoriously from the IV infusion center for the ninth, and final, time that semester, I almost dared hope I’d left behind the last three years of treatments and relapses… Almost.

It was the end of my college career, and I’d just spent its entirety fighting Lyme disease and an autoimmune condition that doctors still aren’t sure how to treat—or what the long-term prognosis is. I’d not only juggled exams and papers and weird living arrangements for four and-a-half years, but I’d been battling through countless procedures and medications and appointments—always in the naive hope that my illness would soon be over. Continue reading “Is There Hope in the Unknown of Chronic Illness?”

Why Therapy Isn’t Enough When You Have OCD & PANS/PANDAS

This week, I made the mistake of reading the PANDAS Wikipedia page, and now I’m boiling over:

“Treatment for children suspected of PANDAS is generally the same as standard treatments for [Tourette Syndrome] and OCD. These include therapy and medications…”
Continue reading “Why Therapy Isn’t Enough When You Have OCD & PANS/PANDAS”

My Disease Could Make Me Lose My Mind. Here’s How I’m Coping…

After eleven years of brain-related chronic illness, I’ve come to live in a constant state of uncertainty not only regarding my conditions, but regarding my entire life.

I never imagined I would ever get sick in the first place, let alone to then be sick for over a decade. The fact that my illness happened at all has taught me that no matter how certain you feel about your life, you can’t really know what the future holds. Continue reading “My Disease Could Make Me Lose My Mind. Here’s How I’m Coping…”

Is This the Hardest Job in the World?

As graduation approached last semester, people constantly asked what was next. What did I want to do with my life? Did I have a job? Would I stay in the city? Was I going to grad school?

Before my PANS relapse in August, I thought I knew all the answers. However, this disease returned not only to attack my brain, but to destroy all my plans.

Continue reading “Is This the Hardest Job in the World?”

Attacked, Trapped, Tormented: My War with PANS & Anorexia

“Do I have to take my shoes off?”

I asked my psychiatrist in a trembling voice as I stared at the floor, too ashamed to make eye contact.

My hands were shaking as I reached for my shoestrings, because I already knew the answer, and I knew what would happen the moment my doctor saw the double-digit number on the scale… Continue reading “Attacked, Trapped, Tormented: My War with PANS & Anorexia”

I Graduated College with PANS, Lyme, and…. Highest Honors!

This weekend, I’ve defied all odds; I’ve done what never should’ve been possible…

I graduated from college, Summa Cum Laude… While in a long-standing battle with PANS and Lyme Disease!

When I was first diagnosed, it felt like my life was a tragedy, and PANS was the ending.  I was sure that it had completely ruined me, and pursuing my dreams seemed inconceivable…

Continue reading “I Graduated College with PANS, Lyme, and…. Highest Honors!”

I Did 8 Weeks of IV Steroids. Here’s What Happened…

This semester, I wasn’t at school until October… Though I’d never missed a single day of sitting in the classroom.

After returning home from my summer internship in August, where I’d felt almost 100%, I noticed symptoms creeping back in. At first, I waited it out to see if they would pass, but I kept getting worse and worse, slipping farther and farther into a tormented mind that I no longer recognized. Continue reading “I Did 8 Weeks of IV Steroids. Here’s What Happened…”

What I Really Mean When I Say I’m Fine

My life with PANS and a brain on fire! (cred: KC Green)

As I hurried off to class the other week, suddenly, I knew things were awry: it was that strange and all-too-familiar feeling in my head that foretells a drop attack.

Continue reading “What I Really Mean When I Say I’m Fine”