How I Finally Made Peace with My Lyme Diagnosis

“Close your eyes,” the Lyme specialist said. “And hold your arms out straight.”

My body began to jerk while I stood in front of the exam table with my arms extended. As I strained to stop the involuntary movements, I could sense my parents’ dismay even through my eyelids.

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Is This the Hardest Job in the World?

As graduation approached last semester, people constantly asked what was next. What did I want to do with my life? Did I have a job? Would I stay in the city? Was I going to grad school?

Before my PANS relapse in August, I thought I knew all the answers. However, this disease returned not only to attack my brain, but to destroy all my plans.

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I Wasn’t “Sick Enough” to Have Lyme. Then 2017 Exposed a Shocking Truth…

I’ll never forget the day I first set foot in a Lyme clinic, as I watched other patients with pale, exhausted faces roll into the waiting room in wheelchairs. I’d just finished another semester of college and a ten-mile run that weekend.  I remember thinking, I can’t possibly be sick enough to have Lyme Disease.  What am I doing here?

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I Lost My Mind… But Haven’t Lost Hope

Every time I think I can’t go on, a thread of hope keeps me alive.

It’s 6:00 on a Friday night, I’m drenched in sweat, sitting on my bed with no pants on, and mumbling nonsense. Tears are running down my face for no clear reason, and I feel outside myself, detached from reality. As my mom peeks into my room to bring medicine, I whisper that everyone hates me, warning that the Universe is out to get me. I have no idea why I’m saying or doing any of this—words are coming from my mouth and I can’t stop them. Continue reading “I Lost My Mind… But Haven’t Lost Hope”

3 Years Later… The Beginning of the End?

Celebrating 3 years of blogging and the beginning of the end of my battle?

Three years ago today, I published my first post on this blog.

At the time, I was in a downwards spiral, falling apart and losing my mind. My doctors were baffled and running out of treatment options, and I was threatening to take my life. But then, my family figured out I had PANDAS/PANS. Thus began a three-year fight to regain everything my illness had so suddenly stolen from me.

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Why I Almost Quit Lyme Treatment

I pretty much take an entire pharmacy every day

 

On Thursday morning, I woke up and immediately knew something was very wrong. My whole body ached. I had an awful headache. I was dizzy. I was too nauseous to even think about food or water. It was that familiar set of symptoms that meant one thing: I was in for a terrible Lyme herx.

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Why I Look Forward to Tomorrow

Being symptom-free was like waking up from a ten-year slumber
Being symptom-free was like waking up from a ten-year slumber

Last week, as I climbed into bed and turned out the lights, I experienced something very strange: I realized I was looking forward to my tomorrow. In that moment, it struck me that after ten years of PANS, I couldn’t recall the last time I was truly excited about waking up for another day.

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Lyme Disease: A Still, Silent Battle

2 antibiotics, 3 medications, and 6 supplements: my weapons of choice against Lyme disease
2 antibiotics, 3 other meds, and 8 supplements: my weapons of choice against Lyme

“It’s Lyme disease.”

They were three words that shattered all of my expectations for recovery from PANS… Three words that I still struggle to accept… Three words that are going to change my life…

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