October 2019 – The Dreaming Panda

Welcome, and Thank You!

Published on October 30, 2019 by DreamingPanda11 Comments

With all of the new followers joining my blog and social media accounts, I’m going to take this post to welcome you, say thank you, and talk about what’s next…

This month, over 4200 of you read my stories, and as the shy person that I am in “real life,” this is unfathomable. Those who read my extreme OCD story from the other week now know a part of my life that none of my “real-life” friends know—at least, not in such detail.

But what this means is that awareness about Pure-O/Scrupulosity OCD and PANS/PANDAS in adults is spreading, and even my bashful self is incredibly grateful to be a part of that—so, truly, thank you for sharing my posts.

Continue reading “Welcome, and Thank You!” →

The Kind of OCD We Need to Talk About

Published on October 17, 2019 by DreamingPanda10 Comments

For six years, I kept a secret that I was determined to take to my grave. I pretended I wasn’t constantly afraid. I made excuses when asked about my unusual behaviors. I was so hell-bent on avoiding being found out that I did everything I could to fool every psychologist, therapist, and doctor I encountered.

And the whole disaster started with one thought.

When I was eleven, while lying in bed, something along the lines of “F– G*d” popped into my brain. As the good-girl church acolyte that I was, I felt horrified. What did it mean that a sacrilegious thought like that could appear in my mind? I felt like I had to do everything I could to keep it from coming back or else that meant I was a bad person. I already felt incredibly guilty that it had happened even one time.

But as the days went on, the more I tried to resist thinking that thought again, the more often it happened and the more it evolved and mutated into increasingly offensive thoughts until they had some of the most explicit, blasphemous, sexual, and violent content imaginable. Everything I didn’t want to think, I ended up thinking. I fell into complete and utter despair. Continue reading “The Kind of OCD We Need to Talk About” →

Why Ignoring Adults with PANS Hurts Everybody

Published on October 7, 2019 by DreamingPanda17 Comments

After twenty years in and out of group homes, psychiatric hospitals, and residential treatment centers, at twenty-nine, Jo* has never been stable enough to have a job. Jo lives with his parents between hospitalizations. Despite being incredibly smart, Jo barely finished high school due to several learning disabilities. Jo’s frequent panic attacks render him unable to drive. Jo almost died of cardiac arrest from anorexia and has attempted suicide multiple times. Continue reading “Why Ignoring Adults with PANS Hurts Everybody” →