Tag: PANDAS

My Illness Made Me Feel Like a Freak: Why I’m Done Trying to Be “Normal”

Published on by DreamingPanda2 Comments

For the last twelve years of being sick, I’ve been embarrassed by all of the ways my disease makes me “different” from everyone else.  I may try to fit in, but I’m always waiting for the moment when people discover the truth about me.

From not being able to attend public high school, to going to therapy and appointments instead of hanging out with friends, to living with OCD and chronic pain, my experiences as a person with PANS and Lyme have isolated me from my peers when all I wanted was to be “normal” and feel accepted.  Continue reading “My Illness Made Me Feel Like a Freak: Why I’m Done Trying to Be “Normal”” →

On the Radio Today! A Special for PANS Awareness Day 2018

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Today is PANS Awareness Day 2018.  There’s so much I could write as someone who has lived with PANS for most of my life—even more than I’ve already said in the 100,000+ words I’ve written in previous posts on this blog.

However, I’m doing things differently this year, and instead of posting about PANS awareness, I’m going to speak on national talk radio.  I’ll be interviewed on Worcester, Massachusetts’s John DiPietro show along with some New England PANS Association board members and a PANS parent. Continue reading “On the Radio Today! A Special for PANS Awareness Day 2018” →

Interview with Me Tonight: A Special Announcement

Published on by DreamingPanda4 Comments

Hi everyone, I’m interrupting our regular programming to let you know I’m speaking on the Stanford PANS Parents Support Group teleconference tonight at 5:45 Pacific Time!

You don’t have to be in California to listen.  You can hear it by calling 1 (650) 724 9799.  International numbers are available here.  The meeting ID is 649 394 165.

Dr. Frankovich from the Stanford PANS clinic will be conducting a Q&A at 5:45, and then I speak around 6:30.  I’ll be sharing my story, some encouragements, and some things I wish I could’ve told my parents when I was at my worst.

I hope you’ll join me!

8 Essentials for University Success with a Disability: How to Build a Bulletproof Support System

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I have a disability.

I never thought those four words would describe me, especially at twenty-three, but in my first few days as a graduate student, they’ve become a heavy truth I have no choice but to accept—and at the same time, they’ve turned into a statement of empowerment.

Continue reading “8 Essentials for University Success with a Disability: How to Build a Bulletproof Support System” →

When Getting Better Hurts More Than Staying Sick: The Paradox of Recovery

Published on by DreamingPanda15 Comments

In the last couple of months, I’ve had a breakthrough in my recovery.  After being mostly couch-bound since January, I’m now able to run.  And my cognitive abilities have improved so much that I just finished a small project.  So many things I’ve hoped for have become reality!

I thought I’d feel nothing but elation if I ever got back to this point, but instead, now that I’m here…

I’ve found a dark side that no one wants to talk about.

Continue reading “When Getting Better Hurts More Than Staying Sick: The Paradox of Recovery” →

These 3 Myths about PANS Are Ruining Lives: A Response to Misguided Medicine

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Brain MRI

In 2012, when I developed an extreme case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder overnight, all I wanted was to get better—not to spend the next six years fighting to get treatment for a “controversial” disease.  However, when conventional therapies failed, and I rapidly declined after Strep and mono two years later, only steroids were able to help my severe psychiatric symptoms.  It was then that I realized the truth wasn’t always easy to accept: Continue reading “These 3 Myths about PANS Are Ruining Lives: A Response to Misguided Medicine” →

4 Things I Learned from 4 Years of Blogging… And an Announcement!

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What in the world have I done?!  I thought to myself.

A wave of panic ran through me, and my heart began to pound as I stared back at the computer screen.  I couldn’t believe it finally happened.  I’d exposed myself before the whole world—my life story, in front of any eyeballs that landed upon it.  Despite everything in me saying I shouldn’t be sharing so much, I’d just published the first post on this blog.  But there was no turning back now. Continue reading “4 Things I Learned from 4 Years of Blogging… And an Announcement!” →

I Woke up in a Body I Didn’t Recognize: Living with Involuntary Movements

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In June 2014, I lost my body. 

Over seventeen hours, I watched in shock as my body grew a mind of its own, erupting in wild, bizarre movements I couldn’t control.  What started as innocuous twitches in my  legs grew into full-body thrashes and twists and jerks over the course of one day.  And then I realized I couldn’t walk, because every few steps, my legs gave out and sent me collapsing to the floor.  Continue reading “I Woke up in a Body I Didn’t Recognize: Living with Involuntary Movements” →

11 Lyme Facts I Wish I’d Known Sooner…

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When I was a kid, I never quite fit in at school, but the outdoors were my refuge—every day, I came home and found peace and quiet in our woods.  Little did I know, nature was about to stab me in the back worse than anything the other kids might’ve said.

Continue reading “11 Lyme Facts I Wish I’d Known Sooner…” →

The Part of PANS/Encephalitis Recovery We Don’t Talk About

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For the last eleven years of being sick, time has been my enemy. 

The first sign I was ill was that I started moving in slow-motion—I lost awareness of time passing.  Doctors thought it was late-onset Attention-Deficit Disorder. Instead, as I’d find out eight years later, my immune system was attacking my brain.

Continue reading “The Part of PANS/Encephalitis Recovery We Don’t Talk About” →