Three years ago today, I published my first post on this blog.
At the time, I was in a downwards spiral, falling apart and losing my mind. My doctors were baffled and running out of treatment options, and I was threatening to take my life. But then, my family figured out I had PANDAS/PANS. Thus began a three-year fight to regain everything my illness had so suddenly stolen from me.
Back then, it seemed I was the only 19-year-old on the planet who was fighting for their life against this allegedly pediatric condition, PANDAS/PANS. There were no blogs written by patients—only parents. I wanted to read from someone writing about going through what I was going through; I wanted someone to show and tell me that I would be okay. Since I could find no such blogs at the time, I figured I might as well be the person to change that so that something good might come from my ordeal one day.
Today, in 2017, I can say it’s been quite a journey, but I almost dare believe I’m now 95-99% recovered. I’ve been through three high-dose IVIG treatments as well as eight low-dose IVIG infusions. I’ve endured tonsil/adenoidectomy, over a year of steroids, month after month of antibiotics, and countless therapy sessions. Although I still take medications and follow a Lyme disease antibiotic protocol, today, I’m able to live my life, and I’ve managed to accomplish things I never would’ve dared to dream when I started this blog.
So I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for reading The Dreaming PANDA and for offering your encouragement and prayers over the last three years. I’ve probably never met any of you, but your support has meant the world to me. Thank you for taking the time to read what I write, and sometimes, to reach out to me. It can be lonely to deal with a life-altering disease, but this community has kept me going—and I sincerely hope my writing has helped you in some way, too.
I’m not quite ready to stop this blog just yet—in fact, I’m not sure if or when I ever will, since I have more readers than I ever thought I would when I first started. I don’t ever want to stop raising awareness, and I have every intention of continuing to bring hope to those of us who’ve been affected by PANS and Lyme.
For this reason, I’m planning to write a memoir in the near future, and I intend to post excerpts along the way. With any luck, however, I’m now living in the final chapter of my recovery journey.
I know a lot of you are probably out there wondering if you or your kid will ever get better and live a productive life—just as I wondered when I began writing three years ago. You might feel hopeless and think that no one can get past this. It’s often been an impossibly hard journey, but you know what? Yes, I’m okay now. And you can get there, too.